Now, before you get all Feminista on me just from reading the title, “Why I believe in Submissiveness”, hear me out.
I read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle back when I was going through a few things and wanted to see what this book was all about. It resonated with me. A-LOT! Ya’ll know marriage ain’t easy. My first one had its good moments but didn’t work out so fantastically. I learned so much from that experience to the point that now I fully know what I want and what I don’t want from my second marriage, which is in full bloom right now. One thing I really want? For my man to be happy. (I got a good, good man, ya’ll!)
What Laura Doyle suggests is that we need to let go of the inappropriate control we try to force on our husbands and focus on our own happiness (say what?) in order to make things right as rain in the romance and intimacy departments of life. (And to make our men happy.) I can get down with that, and you should try, too!
There are six basic principles in The Surrendered Wife:
- A wife relinquishes control of her husband’s life
- She respects his decisions for his life
- She practices good self-care (she does at least three things a day for her own enjoyment)
- She practices expressing gratitude (thanking her husband for the things he does)
- A surrendered wife is not afraid to show her vulnerability and take the feminine approach
- She trusts him to handle household finances
Here’s what’s up: the majority of problems in a marriage pretty much come from communication and lack thereof. Now, I have learned just from my family alone, that I can be pretty bossy and a little controlling. That’s ok, it’s a truth, I’m fine with it. Done. I’m also quite firm at work; not bossy per se, but I direct a lot of people and projects; I don’t always have time to be vulnerable and be “feminine” (that’s another topic) or relinquish control on tasks ‘cause stuff has got to get done! But, but, BUT I don’t want to be that way in my marriage.
When I walk in the door at home, I do my best to let go of my work bossy pants and put on my Home-is-Where-The-Heart-Is submissive pants. That means I let go of being controlling and just be. I’m cool with that and so is my husband. I really do try to listen to him (I also love his voice, so that ain’t too hard); I really do try to say “Thank You” as much as I can…even for the little things like if he covers me with a blanket when I’m on the couch; I really do try to respect his decisions (like to go for a walk rather than take out the garbage). And I truly take care of myself via self-care.
If you’re having troubles with your relationship, go ahead and scoop this book. It can’t hurt you to try. And if you’re fabulously single and want to change that, try Doyle’s The Surrendered Single. Let me know how it goes in the comments below!
Good read! I can say I do pretty well on 1-6 but i know I could do better. Some things I know are a challenge because I had to do so much for so many years on my own. Now that I have an amazing husband I’m sometimes slow to remember that I don’t have to do some things. He is so sweet to remind me that he has it. I’m Blessed!!!!! I just need to learn how to slow down and Breathe.
It’s hard for those of us who had to do everything on our own to step back and allow our men to do something for us. BUT, they need that from us as much as WE need the help from them! No shame in your game for letting your man run thangs!
Truth be told — I surrendered a long long long time ago — we will celebrate 20 years of marriage this year and most likely in part to me realizing and accepting our roles in the process and trust that was not easy for a self proclaimed lifelong bachelorrette !! I must admit that I need to do more in the self care area because that’s what reeled him in from the start and he always reminds me and encourages me to do so . It wasnt difficult to surrender to my husband because he was already marriage ready !
I LOVE your Love story. I remember you as the “I’mma be single forever”girl, and my goodness look how fast 20 years have blown by as a happily married woman! So proud of you. And yes, what reeled him in may keep him there, so don’t lose sight of the self-care girl! Glad to know not only was he marriage ready but he was marriage-steady material!! Whoop Whoop!
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