Ladies, are you looking for the magic potion that will get your man to put down the toilet seat? Put the cap back on the toothpaste? Use the turn signal when switching lanes? Mow the lawn before the neighbors start to complain? Do anything you want him to? Try compensating him for all the things he does well, and flat out ignore the things that he doesn’t do well. Kind of like a reward system. Okay, okay, EXACTLY like a reward system. But it works.
Here’s why: Our brains have a special circuit whose only job is to detect and control how we respond to pleasing stimuli. It basically ensures that we’ll repeat any behavior that resulted in a really great experience. So if your husband encounters mind-blowingly positive feedback or a reward as a result of putting down the toilet seat, replacing the cap on the toothpaste, and mowing the lawn early, his brain (subconsciously) is going to seek out ways to repeat that behavior to keep earning those rewards. Make sense? All you have to do is activate the circuit.
Remember Pavlov’s dog theory? He would ring a bell (the stimulus). On its own, the ringing bell had zero power to produce a response or reaction from a dog. But when combined with food, which does have the power to produce a response from the dog, the ringing bell became associated with the food. The dog would start salivating as soon as he heard the bell because he knew it was only a matter of minutes before he was going to be rewarded with the food. You can get your man to do what you need him to do using this same technique.
Every time he puts the seat down on the toilet, buy him a new golf club. He screws the lid tightly back on the toothpaste … how about a new Mercedes? I’m exaggerating, of course. You don’t have to run out and get your man a Callaway XR OS Iron or a Mercedes-Maybach. But you get my point. You should know him well enough to predict the specific type of reward he will respond favorably enough toward so he will repeat the behavior you need him to repeat. At least until it becomes a habit. Celebrate what he does right. Ignore that which he doesn’t do right (or doesn’t do in a time frame that meets with your approval). Make it fun. Keep it light. Make him feel special. I promise, just like Pavlov’s puppies, you’ll have your guy eating out of your hand in no time flat.
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