I was with two girlfriends this weekend. One is a single mom, and she’s trying to get herself back into the dating game. She’s doing a great job. She’s working on a new look with her hair (like “finding time to wash it,” she says), and after fun nudging, we got her to shed her mom-sweater and go for something a little more form fitting, revealing the fab figure she has. This stuff, this external stuff was easy for her to change. After a few Bellini’s, we discovered that she’d lost her confidence in herself, and as a result, it was screwing with how she trusted herself. in her dating life. Let me explain.

I’ve seen the dating sites. Those things are no joke. BUT, in order for them to work in even the most basic of basic ways, you’ve gotta trust that 1) you’re going to do your best to pick someone who is remotely interesting, and 2) who you show up with, i.e., YOU, is your best self at that time!

Let me break it down even further, ya’ll. Doing online dating, or any dating for that matter, requires a bit of vulnerability. Vulnerability is that cute overcoat you’ve been wearing with the super cinched belt that you don’t want to take off even though the rain is long gone. You feel me? If you’ve put on some weight, or your bank account ain’t what it was, or your job title changed from VP of Development to VP of Unemployment Line (aka Freelancer), or you moved to a new city where you know nary a soul, you must take off that overcoat. You must trust that when you do take it off, all those little things that you’ve been covering up are going to show and they are not going to make you any less of a fabulous woman than you are … right now. Trust.

So, while this is turning into a bit of a pep talk here, my lovelies, I want to make sure that you get the message that you must trust yourself in order to grow into and in your relationships. I have to trust that I can tell my husband that I forgot to pick up his dry cleaning—even though I said I would—and know that he’s not going to think I’m a horrible wife and stop loving me. I also have to trust that when I tell him something important, like how my feelings got hurt at work, that he’s not going to laugh. (Well, he can laugh, just not at me.) If you need some help with vulnerability, there is a TED Talk by Brene Brown that my friends are talking about. It didn’t fully resonate with me, but I’m vulnerable and honest enough to share my opinion with you … with over 34 million views, it is helpin’ somebody!

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